Alright, I am all dressed up in my sweater in jeans for the scariest day of the year! (see: sarcasm) Halloween is not scary anymore, not after I bought F.E.A.R. FEAR is a PC game that has some of the scariest junk you will ever glimpse through a lit screen. After 2 hours of downloading it, I finally pressed play...and nothing happened. The game started off much like the demo I had played a couple weeks earlier. Then a bloody face appeared on the screen in the middle of someone talking to me. The screen turned white momentarily until the character's eyes began to clear. He was lying down on a table of some sort staring into a blinding light. The game immediatly flashed back to reality, and I slowly backed away.
After I got over my first FEAR of the game, I sat back down and put my hand on the mouse. I was in some building where I was required to take care of a mad squad of clones that had just let loose a vampire from jail. A vampire. So I walk through the building, and for the most part, not too much scariness jumps out at me. I reach the roof, turn a corner, and get smacked square in the face by the vampire. No, that was not very nice. The rest of the game followed suit with people jumping out and hiding behind every corner, waiting to shred me to pieces. By the time I had gotten into an office building where cloaked, malfunctioning droids that could travel at the speed of a car were jumping from the ceiling and the walls, I was ready to go to bed. And I never even mentioned the little creepy girl.
Way too much scariness, but still, it was one of the most fun times I've ever had playing a game, and it got my heart rate up higher than any workout ever has. If you aren't faint of heart, check it out.
10/31/08
Reasons to Like Beer
Beer Glass A handful of 7 year old children were asked "What they thought of beer". Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.
"I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the rettier my mom gets."
--Tim, 7 years old
"Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice. "
--Mellanie, 7 years old
"My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny."
--Grady, 7 years old
"My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing."
--Toby, 7 years old
"My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.
--Sarah, 7 years old
"My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool."
--Lilly, 7 years old
"I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting."
--Ethan, 7 years old
"I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep."
--Shirley, 7 years old
"My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense."
--Jack, 7 years old
"I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the rettier my mom gets."
--Tim, 7 years old
"Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice. "
--Mellanie, 7 years old
"My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny."
--Grady, 7 years old
"My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing."
--Toby, 7 years old
"My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.
--Sarah, 7 years old
"My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool."
--Lilly, 7 years old
"I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting."
--Ethan, 7 years old
"I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep."
--Shirley, 7 years old
"My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense."
--Jack, 7 years old
10/21/08
Kids Have The Answers!
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
* One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
* You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind.
* Talc is found on rocks and on babies.
* The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
* When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms, But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
* When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
* Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
* While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
* Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
* South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
* Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
* Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
* A vibration is a motion that can’t make up its mind which way it wants to go.
* There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
* There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.
* Lime is a green-tasting rock.
* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
* Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should.
* Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
* Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.
* Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
* We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
* To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
* In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.
* Clouds are high flying fogs.
* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
* Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
* Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown when we breathe.
* Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
* Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
* In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog’s tongue will kill the strongest man.
* A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
* A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
* A monsoon is a French gentleman.
* Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
* Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
* It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
* The wind is like the air, only pushier.
* One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
* You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind.
* Talc is found on rocks and on babies.
* The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
* When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms, But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
* When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
* Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
* While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
* Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
* South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
* Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
* Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
* A vibration is a motion that can’t make up its mind which way it wants to go.
* There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
* There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.
* Lime is a green-tasting rock.
* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
* Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should.
* Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
* Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.
* Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
* We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
* To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
* In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.
* Clouds are high flying fogs.
* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
* Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
* Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown when we breathe.
* Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
* Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
* In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog’s tongue will kill the strongest man.
* A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
* A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
* A monsoon is a French gentleman.
* Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
* Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
* It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
* The wind is like the air, only pushier.
10/17/08
Dear dumb departed Rob
The guy who used to live in house immediately behind ours had 2 sons. The youngest one, Rob (stupider than turnips), pissed as a fart needs a shite. His bedroom door faces the bathroom door, this is too far for him too stagger apparently because his brother (tony) tells of the time he stood barefoot in a poo that was half jammed under Robs door. The next bit is heresay but the story apparently continues with Tony proving himself the spirit incarnate of Bruce Lee. Poo still lodged squidgilly between toes, he whoops, ki-ar's and hiyahs poor stupid rob until a final arm snapping wha-dah brings the events to messy painful conclusion.
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